Richardson's Guideline for Being a Proper Wife
Very interestingly, towards the end of the novel Pamela, Pamela summarizes the rules her husband expect her to follow after their marriage. There are a total of 48 rules. Pamela writes "I thanked him for these kind rules, and generous assurances: and assured him, that they had make so much impression on my mind, that these, and his most agreeable injunctions before given me, and such as he should hereafter be pleased to give, should be so many rules for my future behaviour." (p.475) She further writes that in knowing and memorizing the rules it is her "first stage of happiness". My dear readers! I'll list out an exerpt of them and see if you'll make a model 18th century wife!
1. That I must not, when he is in great wrath with any body, break in upon him without his leave.
4. That I must never make a compliment to any body at his expense.
6. That I must bear with him, even when I find him in the wrong.
7. That I must be as flexible as the reed in the fable, lest, by resisting the tempest, like the oak, I be torn up by the roots.
22. That there are fewer instances of men's than women's loving better after marriage.
27. That a man should desire nothing of his wife, but what is significant, reasonable, just.
28. But then, that she must not shew reluctance, uneasiness, or doubt, to oblige him; and that too at half a word; and must not bid twice to do one thing.
30. That if the husband be set upon a wrong thing, she must not dispute with him, but do it and, expostulate afterwards.
34. That in all companies a wife must shew respect and love her husband.
35. And this for the sake of her own reputation and security; for,
36. That rakes [womanizers] cannot have a greater encouragement to attempt a married lady's virtue, than her slight opnion of her husband.
37. That a wife should therefore draw a kind of veil over her husband's faults.
38. That such as she could not conceal, she should extenuate.
42. That she must be cheerful and easy in her behaviour, to whomsoever he brings home with him.
47. That his[the husband's] imperfections must not be a plea for hers.
(Richardson does not list out any rules for men as husbands, so I do not know if the 48 rules are all reciprocal.)
Yes, I purposely picked out the problematic ones. (The logic of #34-38 is incredible!) This set of rules, as I see it, is all about preserving the authority as well as the good name of the husband. Wives, under these rules, are like beautiful ornaments for the husbands. And Pamela, who intends to memorize them, is going to internalize all these rules. She is, I dare to say, happily oppressed.
1. That I must not, when he is in great wrath with any body, break in upon him without his leave.
4. That I must never make a compliment to any body at his expense.
6. That I must bear with him, even when I find him in the wrong.
7. That I must be as flexible as the reed in the fable, lest, by resisting the tempest, like the oak, I be torn up by the roots.
22. That there are fewer instances of men's than women's loving better after marriage.
27. That a man should desire nothing of his wife, but what is significant, reasonable, just.
28. But then, that she must not shew reluctance, uneasiness, or doubt, to oblige him; and that too at half a word; and must not bid twice to do one thing.
30. That if the husband be set upon a wrong thing, she must not dispute with him, but do it and, expostulate afterwards.
34. That in all companies a wife must shew respect and love her husband.
35. And this for the sake of her own reputation and security; for,
36. That rakes [womanizers] cannot have a greater encouragement to attempt a married lady's virtue, than her slight opnion of her husband.
37. That a wife should therefore draw a kind of veil over her husband's faults.
38. That such as she could not conceal, she should extenuate.
42. That she must be cheerful and easy in her behaviour, to whomsoever he brings home with him.
47. That his[the husband's] imperfections must not be a plea for hers.
(Richardson does not list out any rules for men as husbands, so I do not know if the 48 rules are all reciprocal.)
Yes, I purposely picked out the problematic ones. (The logic of #34-38 is incredible!) This set of rules, as I see it, is all about preserving the authority as well as the good name of the husband. Wives, under these rules, are like beautiful ornaments for the husbands. And Pamela, who intends to memorize them, is going to internalize all these rules. She is, I dare to say, happily oppressed.
posted by Tristan at 3:47 p.m.
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